When Everything Else Fails, Love Keeps Us Going

It is indeed such a beautiful thing to be human. Knowing what being loved truly feels like, containing it and making someone else feel the same way. It is like multiple people crocheting a stitch each, specially for you and soon enough, you do not know how, but you are snuggled up in a warm, beautiful blanket wrapped all around you. There are tiny bits of love floating everywhere. It doesn’t have to be anything big; it could be my classmate waiting for me to leave class together, or my friend 7435kms away, on a different continent, calling me just to show me how pretty the sky looks, it could even be a 4-year-old patient sharing his toys with me at the hospital. How bland would our world be without love and our loved ones? 

I have grown up hearing how one cannot pour from an empty cup, only to realise it is not true recently. In a research study that I conducted on ‘Understanding the Experience of Pain Acceptance in Cancer Patients from Rural Maharashtra’, one of the chronic pain adaptation strategies or prominent lived experiences that emerged was ‘To live for others’. Patients that I interviewed frequently discovered inner strength in their loved ones and opted to endure pain for their sake. Their affection provided them with resilience. Despite their suffering, they were reluctant to burden their loved ones further. While talking to a 27-year-old Cervical Cancer patient with chronic pain, I asked what keeps her going. She replied, “I look at my mother and father to live and move forward. If I sit with my pain, I will never be able to get out of it. This illness, cancer, is a very big deal, so I need to get out of it for them, my parents and children. Nobody else has got my back, but haven’t they always been there?” 

Performing acts of kindness for our loved ones prompts the release of oxytocin, commonly known as the “love hormone,” within our brains. This hormone heightens self-esteem, amplifies optimism, and fortifies interpersonal relationships. Having good social support is crucial for coping with adversity. The positive emotions evoked foster optimism, which is a key element of resilience and enables individuals to persevere. Moreover, kindness nurtures empathy, widens our understanding, and further strengthens our social relationships, all of which bolster mental resilience.

Earlier, I always thought humans could have a tipping point where their id (animal instincts) takes over their ego (reality) and superego (morality), where humans could regress to become so ego-centric and selfish that they only care about themselves. However, even in extreme pain and difficulties, when love is not always visible, it never fades. 

After all, when everything else fails, love keeps us going.

---