Midnight Reveries

~ A Compilation of Gentle reminders to myself

Illustration by @iuliastration

As I was about to sleep, my eyes wandered to the thick grey journal tucked away on my bookshelf. In the pages of this book lie huge chunks of the past three years of my life. Promptly I realised that ever since I moved to Bangalore, I haven’t been as consistent as I had hoped. I feel I have always found solace in journaling my thoughts, and somehow it has never failed to put things into perspective. Since it is always a good time to reflect upon life, here is a list of life lessons I have learned lately and hope to always remember:

Learning to be more disciplined

Being a student at Christ University is not easy; the rules and the rigour with which they are implemented can overwhelm students like me who have come from other lenient colleges. Adhering to the dress code, managing CIA deadlines, maintaining my attendance over 85%, and making sure I made it inside the block before the guards closed the doors really bothered me during my initial days. However, it later dawned upon me that all this is preparing me to be a better future professional. Being punctual and reliable, learning to maintain a decent work-life balance irrespective of the workload, and dressing up every day to look presentable are qualities that are crucial in a professional space.

Accepting my flaws and working on them

After opting for humanities in 11th and 12th grade and later completing my bachelor’s in Psychology (Honours), and thereafter pursuing an MSc in Clinical Psycho-Oncology has been a humbling experience. Studying pure biology-based courses like ‘Human Anatomy’ and ‘Biology of Cancer’ has made me realise there will always be so much more to learn. I am sure I need to work twice as hard as someone from a science background, but every time I get my grades, it is a rewarding experience. It is tiny accomplishments like these that keep me going. Plus, now I know fancy words like apoptosis and angiogenesis.

Moreover, considering the research-focused nature of the course and knowing that I do not have much research experience, I had a lot of apprehension. However, new skills and competencies can always be learned if one wants to, but the first step is always to accept your shortcomings. It is only then that you can work on what you are lacking effectively. As we begin our research project this semester, I am super excited to see where it leads me.

Seizing Opportunities

Thanks to the pandemic, I shall now always be grateful for in-person classes. I have missed hanging out, doing the most stupid things with my friends, studying at the library, and participating in extracurricular activities. Honestly, I had forgotten how nice it made me feel. I have been volunteering for events lately, and it has been so much fun. Whether compèring for the International Conference on Counselling, Psychotherapy and Wellness or ICCP 2023’s Psycho-oncology track, hosting stalls, doing a flashmob for cancer awareness, performing in a street play, or even organising field visits, each experience has taught me something new about myself.

Most importantly, it has helped me with my communication skills and made me even more confident. I have become more open to exploring and trying new things, which makes me happy. I hope I always keep exploring pursuits and learn from them.

Being okay with Uncertainty

No matter how decently you are doing, every now and then, you do worry about what life will be like in 6 years. Especially when you are pursuing psycho-oncology, a field that 99% of my acquaintances didn't know existed before they asked me what I was studying. The opportunities are limited for the next few years, and so are the fellowship seats. It is a very niche and unexplored field in which there is so much more to learn and explore; at the same time, it is also crucial and very underrated. It is only normal to wonder if it will help me lead a satisfactory life? Will my earnings be enough? Would I still be as excited as I am today about working in this field six years later? No matter how much time I spend worrying about my future, only time will answer these questions. So lately, I am learning to take the backseat and let life take its course. I have been focusing on things that I have control over my physical and mental health, grades, extra-curriculars, and how I choose to spend my time in this very moment. For now, that much is enough.

Learning to believe in Myself

Lastly, it is very important never to stop believing in yourself. I am very grateful for everything I have resiliently overcome in life. Sure, I question my self-worth sometimes, but on most days, when I look back at the journey I have made, I am proud of the person I have become. Everyone has their own set of struggles and difficulties, but overcoming them should be a common experience. I am and will always be a work in progress, but I hope amidst everything, I always remember to love myself and try my best, come what may.

Illustration by @iuliastration